Good Eating in Rock Springs and Laramie, Wyoming

A few weeks ago, I had to travel to Denver for business.  I elected to drive instead of fly. The weather was glorious, and I had a book on tape—what could be better?  Driving also allowed me to stop into Rock Springs and Laramie and few other spots to do some research for the novel I’m writing.  And while I was tooling around, I found two excellent places to eat.

The first was in Rock Springs.  It’s about five minutes off the freeway, tucked in the downtown area, which means it’s a place locals visit. It’s called Broadway Burger Station.  I walked in, past the tables, and took a swivel seat at the counter. The menu listed sandwiches and soup, but I suspect it’s the burgers most people go for.  These are BIG burgers—1/3 to ½ pound of ground beef.  I almost asked for a kid’s meal.  Not only because the portion was smaller but because they serve the kids meals in a cardboard hot rod car!  How cool is that?

But I went with the basic burger instead. All their burgers come with lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, and their special sauce. You can also add other things including mushrooms, avocado sauce, bacon, cheese, chili, egg, ham, jalapenos, and pastrami.  I went with the sautéed mushrooms. Then the very nice server tempted me with a hand-dipped malt, and I said yes because I was only thinking of all of you at the time, wanting to provide a complete and honest review.

The place was hopping the whole time I was there, and rightly so. The server brought out my burger, fries, and malt, and, man oh man–the burger with tomato and mushrooms was succulent!  The fries were hot and delicious.  And the malt was made with hard ice cream right before my very eyes.  What’s more, I could have easily shared my meal with Nellie, which means we could have both eaten for a total of ten bucks. Great food, super-friendly service, and reasonable prices. If you’re ever passing through Rock Springs and need a place to chow, go to the Broadway Burger Station on 628 Broadway Street, (307) 362-5858.

On my way back I stopped in Laramie and found a McAlister’s Deli in the shopping strip at 2317 Grand Avenue, (307) 745-3760. This is not the type of deli that you walk into and gag because of the weird meat smells. It’s a soup and sandwich shop. And it’s apparently been doing well. I’d never seen a McAlister’s before, but found out it’s a chain that’s in twenty-two states in the Midwest and South. And Wyoming is currently as far west as you can find one.

They serve hot sandwiches, including one called The New Yorker (corned beef, pastrami, and swiss) and another called The Big Nasty (1/3 pound beef on a baguette).  They have classic sandwiches, grilled sandwiches, and clubs.  I ordered the Cobb Club with turkey, applewood smoked bacon, gorgonzola cheese, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and a light Parmesan Peppercorn sauce served on ciabatta bread. I also ordered a cup of their vegetable soup and a piece of Colossal Carrot Cake.

Dude, it was all delicious. Lovely. And in Laramie of all places. Laramie! All these years I never thought to stop because the town looked so unassuming.  Laramie was just that place where Cowboy fans enjoyed hollering and throwing beer bottles at my favorite football team from the neighboring state.  Of course, I did cut them some slack—I mean, what else can you do when your team gets dominated year after year?  Sing Kumbaya? 

They’re a’running again, Kumbaya . . .

Just a’stomping us, Lord, Kumbaya . . .

Freezing misery, Lord, Kumbaya. Oh, Lord, Kumbaya . . .

Right.  Now I see I’ve misjudged them.  Maybe their football program has been in the doldrums the last few years, but Laramie isn’t a pass-through town.  Next time I’m rolling by on I-80, I’m going to stop again and see what other gems the good folks there have to offer. If you’re in the area, and you love places like Jason’s Deli and Kneaders, stop at McAlister’s Deli. Then take some time to visit the lovely St. Matthew’s cathedral on 3rd street. You can’t miss it: it’s the one with the red doors.

Generating Story 6: The Story Development Framework

Folks, it’s been almost six months since I added anything to my series on how to get and develop killer story ideas.  There’s a reason it’s been so long—I’ve been heads-down trying to develop my own stories. 

I have allotted myself only so much time for writing each day, and when things have to give, unfortunately, it’s my blog that goes first.  Actually, the social media goes first, which is why I have such a lame Facebook and Twitter presence. Of course, if anyone contacts me directly using the link in the sidebar or comments on a post, I always respond promptly.

Anyway, I wish I had more time, but I do have a day job.  I also have wonderful wife and four daughters, and I simply can’t miss my opportunity to enjoy them while they’re here.  For example, we just did an eight-hour roundtrip trek out to Roosevelt, Utah to attend the commencement ceremonies of my daughter who is graduating with her Associates degree from one of the state universities one month before she receives her High School diploma.  Yes, you read that correctly.  It’s all part of the concurrent enrollment program we have that’s a godsend for those of us who live in rural areas.  That was also the day of my 23rd wedding anniversary to a most excellent and wonderful wife and mom, who would like to think of herself as a large cat, something like a jaguar, but who is more like a horse—sleek, beautiful, and good for something.  Nellie’s a rock. 

So all that blather to say I haven’t had much time, but I am happy to announce I’ve got something for you today.  I think you will find quite helpful. 

The Framework

One of the problems new writers run into is that they don’t know where to start or how to proceed.  This is the same with any complex endeavor.  In my day job, I’ve been teaching some fairly complex things for a number of years, and I’ve found that when you give students a framework for learning, it makes everything SO MUCH EASIER.  Show them the forest first, then the trees.  When you give people a structure, a mental schema, it frees up their working memory so they don’t get overloaded. 

But it’s useful for more than learning about something.  When we try to do something complex, it’s so much easier when we break the task down into its parts and outline clear objectives, guidelines, and tools for each part.

I realized that I haven’t really done that here.  I’ve given the general framework for the three things you need to learn to write stories—(1) what stories do, (2) how they do it, and (3) how to develop them.  But I haven’t given one for development. So here it is.

There are three parts to the framework:

  1. The development OBJECTIVES.
  2. The development PRINCIPLES for each objective.
  3. The development TOOLS you use to help you with each objective.

Each post I’ve made about writing stories and each post I will make in the future will explain some part of the framework.  For example, the 27-part series Key Conditions for Suspense that I wrote for SFWA explains key principles and concepts for character, problem, and plot.  The post in this series on the Story Setup explains a tool that can be used to help you develop your story’s problem. And so on. What the framework should give you is a map, a guide to help you know what to do and how to do it.

The Development Objectives

Let’s start with the objectives. A story is made up of just a few main parts.  I’ve found I’m most productive when I keep the objectives for those parts foremost in my mind and when I keep the list of objectives simple.  Having too many objectives makes it almost impossible to move forward. Here are the objectives I have when I’m developing a story.

 

Area Development Objectives
GENERAL Make the story come alive in my own mind
GENRE Define the overall type of story I want to write
CHARACTER Develop characters who move and delight me
SETTING Develop a setting that interests me and feels real
PROBLEM Develop a story problem that I find compelling
PLOT Help the reader hope and fear for my character
TEXT Evoke the story in the reader’s mind

 

Your job is to develop the story, making it come alive in your mind, then write it in a way that will evoke it in the reader’s mind. You do that by focusing on the objectives you see above.

Note that I do NOT develop these areas in any special order because ideas for any of the six parts could come at any time. And because I’m focused on the objectives, I don’t get trapped into activity for activity’s sake.  I don’t do character histories because a big name author said that’s what I should do.  I don’t do outlines because everyone I know does them.  I don’t do any activity just because it’s on some list.  I work to accomplish something.  And the things I want to accomplish are listed above.

Development Principles & Concepts

Once we know what we’re after, we need to understand the principles and concepts that will help us develop those things.  For example, what kinds of characters “move” and “delight”?  What makes a story problem “compelling”?  What makes readers hope and fear for a character?

If I don’t understand the principles and concepts that underlie each of the objectives, I’m going to have a difficult time meeting that objective.  So let’s add in the key principles and concepts I’ve found that help me meet those objectives.   

Area Development Objectives Development Principles & Concepts
GENERAL     Make the story come alive in my own mind       Focus on developing the 6 core parts of story (genre, character, setting, problem, plot, text) in no special sequence
Gather zing: use a drag net and hunt with a purpose
Generate my own zing
Develop in iterations
Practice farmer’s faith
Write what you care about and believe in: listen to your personal Spidey-sense
Make enough time
Relax and have fun
GENRE Define the overall type of story I want to write Reader expectations
Tropes and patterns
CHARACTER Develop characters who move and delight me Sympathy
Deservingness
Interest
Types and roles
Cast sizing
SETTING Develop a setting that interests me and feels real   How things work
Telling details
What’s necessary
PROBLEM Develop a story problem that I find compelling Hope and fear
The 3 main types of problems
Character goals
Opposition
Problems that speak to the reader (theme)
PLOT    Help the reader hope and fear for my character     Suspense
Surprise
Curiosity
The 3 phases of a story’s problem structure
The story cycle
Patterns
TEXT               Evoke the story in the reader’s mind           Telling to evoke
Clarity
Working memory limitations
Stimulus-response order
The story cycle
Scenes and summary
Point of view
Beginnings & endings
Poetic devices, Sound and rhythm
Mechanics

 

Now let’s see how I’d use the framework.  Let’s say I want to work on developing character.  Sometimes my drag net pulls in great character ideas without much effort on my part at all.  But sometimes what I drag in needs some development.  And sometimes I don’t have anything in my net at all and need to generate something from scratch. 

When it’s time to develop character, I’ve found that if I focus on the key things that trigger my sympathy for someone, my feeling that they deserve reward or punishment, and my interest in them, it’s much easier to develop a character that rocks, one that moves and delights and thrills me.  It also helps me to think about the roles my characters play.  So I’ll apply the principles one way when developing a sidekick and another when developing a villain.  Finally, there are only so many words in a novel. I need to manage my stage time.  If I have too many characters, I might not have enough stage time to develop any story in a satisfactory way.  If I have too few, I might run into problems with structure and plot.

Let’s say I want to work on my story problem.  Well, I’d focus on the things that make readers hope and fear for my character.  I’d brainstorm options for the three main story problem types.  I’d make sure my I knew what the goals were for my protagonist and antagonist.

Do you see how this works?

Once you get enough material developed in each of the story categories (character, setting, problem, plot, and text), the story will come alive in your mind.  And then it’s just a matter of finishing the text so that it evokes the story in the reader’s mind. 

Some may wonder why I included text as part of development.  Don’t you develop the story first and then translate it to the text?  No.  A lot of development happens as you write the text.  For example, it’s hard for me to get my character’s voice and attitude without putting him or her on the page.  

If you go back and look at the list again, you’ll see that the principles and concepts supporting the objectives for genre, character, setting, problem, plot, and text have a lot to do with how story works.  On the other hand, the principles supporting the general objective of having the story come to life in my own mind focus on how we develop stories.

In this series, I’ve been focusing on the principles of how we develop stories.  But you’ll also want to continue to enlarge your understanding of how stories work.  For more on the principles for character, problem, and plot, see my 27-part series I wrote for SFWA on the Key Conditions for Suspense.

Development Tools

Now that we’ve identified what we’re supposed to develop and the principles that support those objectives, it’s helpful to see the different types of tools we can use to help us meet our objectives.

A tool is just that—something we use to accomplish some objective.  Chimps use sticks to help them fish termites out of holes. Bakers use beaters to help them mix batters. Mechanics have tools to help them turn screws and nuts. Writers have tools to help them do what they need to do.

I’ve listed the tools I’ve found useful. I know you may not know what a number of them are. That’s okay. In the series I’ll explain what each is and how to use it.  For now just look over the list.  And because I can’t figure out how to make my blankety-blank tables look snazzy with the WPress template and controls I have, I’ve provided a PDF of the framework here instead. Click on the link below to download it.

John Brown’s Story Development Framework v2012-05-12

Did you notice that for each set of tools I also list “Other . . .” That’s because there are many tools that authors find useful.  Try them.  Keep the ones you find productive and toss the rest.  This isn’t an exhaustive or mandatory list.

And remember that the key thing isn’t the tool.  The objective is.  The tool is simply a means to help you meet the objective.  And so you don’t have to use all the tools.  You don’t have to use any of them.  Because the goal is NOT to use a tool.  The goal is to develop the story.

For example, if you already have a rocking problem, there’s no need to use a tool to get one.  If you’re doing a character history and suddenly hit gold, you don’t have to finish all the prompts in your history document.  You don’t have to because this is NOT about filling out forms.  It’s about making the story come alive in your mind.  Sometimes you need only a little development to get the ideas, sometimes you need a lot.

Bottom line: focus on the objectives.  Keep developing material until you have enough in each of area that the story is bucking and kicking in your hands.

And, again, don’t worry about developing the objectives in a certain sequence because there isn’t a best sequence.  With one story you might start with a little character, then a bit of setting, then some text, then more character, then problem, then plot, the back to character, then setting again, then something else, a bit here, an idea there.  On another story you might start with a scrap of text or something somebody said and go to plot then character then genre and then back to each one again and again, building up line by line in some other way.

There is no golden development sequence!  Just keep the objectives in mind, and keep your eyes open for ideas that you can use to meet each objective.

Where to start

Having laid the framework out, I know some might be wondering where to start, especially after I told you it didn’t matter where you started.  You’re wondering this because the fact is that it IS nice to have some guidance.

And because it really doesn’t matter how you meet the objectives, and because most ideas come when you’re on the move, then there’s a great benefit in simply starting with any method you have at hand.  So let’s not fall prey to an attack of dithering brought on by option overload.  If you don’t know where to start, try this.

1.    Take Stock

First, identify a number of slots this week and next when you can work on your story. Try to get at least ten hours each week. You may find your slots in the morning, during breaks, at lunch, late at night.  Just find some times that work for you.

When that first time slot comes, take stock of the ideas you have right now, the zing you’ve gathered or generated to this point, and make a rough summary.  Do you have any bits of character, problem, or plot?  Have you delved into your setting?  Do you have an idea of the story genre?  Do you have any inkling about the type of story this will be, e.g. is this going to be a story about cyber security, love, friendship, vampires, spies, World War 2, two old fisherman and the mafia?

Summarize what you have in just one or two pages. Or maybe you only have one line. That’s okay too.  Write it down.

2.    200 Words

When you’ve finished step one, ask yourself what genre of story you’d like to write.  Maybe you have two or three genres you’re interested in.  Maybe you want to write some mix—a cowboy science fiction, an epic fantasy comedy, a romantic thriller.  Think about what kind of story you would like to read.  Think about the kind of characters, plots, and settings you enjoy.  The kind of experience you would love to have when reading.  Write two paragraphs summarizing your thoughts. 200 words or less.

3.    ID Some Patterns

Third, identify two or three other stories that are kind of like the one you think you might want to write.  Write the titles of these stories down even if they’re only vaguely in the ball park. Now answer these questions about them:

1. Size

  • How many words or pages was in each book?
  • How many chapters?

2. Characters

  • How many main characters did each have?
  • How many points of view?
  • What did you like about the characters?
  • What would you do different with the characters?

3. Problem & Plot

  • What was the protagonist’s main problem?
  • What did the antagonist want?
  • What were the cool plot points or surprises?

4. What else was cool about the story?

Now go the extra mile and outline the plot in two pages or less.  Just do little bullet points.

Did you get any ideas for your story from this?  Anything you want to copy or twist?  If so, write it down.

4.    Go Zing Hunting

Fourth, identify the main character, setting, problem, or plot ideas that are drawing your interest.  Decide to go hunt some zing with a purpose.  Pick one of the ideas you think will be a big part of the story, go to the library, and get some books on that thing.  Start with books for juveniles if they have them, then work into more hefty tomes.  Identify some documentaries or films on the subject.  Check them out.  Or get them on Netflix.  Read and watch, keeping your eye out for ideas that might work for your six core story objectives.

Is there someone you can talk to who has first-hand experience with this thing?  If so, call or visit them and ask them some questions.

Can you go experience it first hand?  If so, do it.

Did you get any ideas for your story from this?  If so, big or small, write them down.

5.    Review

Fifth, review the zing you’ve captured to this point.  Note anything that pops out to you.  Can you write your story concept down yet (the character, the setting, the goal, and the main opposition and obstacle he or she will face)?  Give it a try.

If not, no biggie.  Review the seven development objectives to fix them in your mind.

6.    Generate Some Character and Problem

Sixth, flip a coin.  Heads you’ll start generating character.  Tails you’ll start generating story problems.  Review the principles for the part of story the coin toss determined you’d work on, then begin generating as many options as possible for that part of story.

If you’re generating character ideas, list all the types of characters commonly associated with the big idea you’ve been researching.  Try to get at least ten on the list.  Maybe you’ll include some specific people you ran across in your research.  Then list a bunch of types of characters not commonly associated.  Maybe throw in a few people you know who might be fun to base a character on.  Identify characters from each list you think might enjoy writing.  Generate a few more.  Let’s say three.  Don’t be afraid to be wacky.  If you have to, include Chuck Norris as the last one.

If you’re generating problem, list the threats, opportunities, and mysteries commonly associated with the topic you’ve been researching.  Get at least ten.  Make sure you include some big, significant ones that really speak to you.  If you’re going for comedy, add in some smaller ones.  Think of your favorite comedy show, e.g. Jerry Seinfeld, and ask the types of problems those characters might run into here.  Now list problems that are not commonly associated with this idea.  Try for at least ten.  Identify problems from both lists you think might be fun.  Generate three more.  Don’t afraid to be a bit wacky.

Now switch.  If you did characters first, do problems and vice versa.

Did you get any ideas for your story from this?  If so, write them down.

7.    Generate Some Plot

Finally, think about the type of problem your character is facing.  If you have a couple of problems you’re deciding between, or perhaps a story where a character has a couple of story lines (maybe an inner one and an external one), choose one to work with.  You can develop the others later.  

Write up the character’s goal in 50 words or less.  Now list out the steps people like your character would usually take to solve the type of problem you are working with.  Try to avoid having your character do dumb things.  Let them be smart.  If you have no idea how anyone would go about solving that type of problem, go do some research.  Talk to someone who might know.

Once you’ve sketched out those general steps, generate a list of at least 12 disadvantages, obstacles, conflicts, or surprises your character could run into that would make it really hard to solve the problem and reach his or her goal.  Some of the items on your list can be small; others might throw the character for a major loop.  Again, if you can’t think of any obstacles or quickly run out of ideas, go do some research.  Talk to someone who might know.

Now look at this from the antagonist’s point of view.  What’s his goal?  Write up the antagonist’s goal in 50 words or less.  What are some common steps a smart and determined (maybe ruthless) person like your antagonist would take to go about removing the problem the hero is causing? 

Did you get any ideas for your story from this?  If so, write them down.

And Now?

At this point, you should be well into the development of your story.  It’s up to you how to proceed.  Maybe you want to write an exploratory draft of a few chapters to get the character’s voice and start defining the setting.  Maybe you’ve discovered you need to research a bit about something specific like sharks or Cessna airplanes or the tactics of Napoleonic armies.  Or maybe you feel it’s time to sketch out a general outline of the plot.  Or maybe you want to review the principles and concepts of one of the story parts.  Or maybe it’s not that at all.  Maybe you want to watch or read some stories in your genre to see how they did it.  There are a lot of things you could do.

Pick something and do it.  There’s great power in simply getting to work.  Continue to develop the various parts of your story.  And if you feel ready to start writing a draft, then start writing the draft, even if you peter out after only one scene. 

Remember the objectives.  Keep working on them.  Sooner or later, I guarantee you, the story will open its eyes and look up at you.  It will not come to you fully fleshed out.  But you’ll have enough to switch your focus to drafting.

When I get to that point and my mind is juiced with some interesting characters in an interesting and compelling situation, I usually capture the essence of the story by writing some form of the Story Setup.  Then I write a simple working outline, which is nothing more than a bullet point sketch of how my character runs into his problem, his response, some of the obstacles he faces, and the results of that action, which leads to trouble, which leads to more action, etc.  It also includes the same for my antagonist.  This is story cycle stuff.  I might include a few key details I need for the scenes I’m listing out.  Or not.  Furthermore, I might be able to envision the whole thing at this point and write an outline that reflects that.  Or I might see only the first few scenes clearly and have to be satisfied with a general sketch of what happens later.  That’s not a big deal because development continues as you’re drafting.  The key is that the story is alive in my mind, and I know in general what it’s about and where I’m going.  It’s enough to begin.  And so I begin to write chapter one (if I haven’t written it already).

Good luck!

In the next post I’m going to explain how to generate your own zing using Creative Q&A.  Hopefully, I’ll get to it before another six months has passed :O

For more in this series, see How to Get and Develop Story Ideas

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Have you ever gotten into the car to go to destination A and a few turns later realized you’re going to destination B and have to turn around?

If so, you’ve experienced the power of habit.

Have you ever told yourself you will NOT eat the cookies sitting out on the counter and two minutes later pick one up and eat it?  Or perhaps it was the cigarette.  Or the drink.

Habit.

Did you know that the genius behind the methods of Tony Dungy–the only coach in the NFL history to reach the play-offs ten years in a row and the one who turned a troubled Colts team around and three years later took them to win the Super Bowl in 2007–was to teach his players to be faster than everyone else.  But they wouldn’t be faster because they would focus on increasing their physical speed. They would be faster because they would learn habits that would make their moves instinct.  When his strategy worked, Dungy’s players could move with a speed that was impossible to overcome.

According to some research, more than 40% of the actions we perform each day are not actual decisions, but habits.  And habits that we didn’t always consciously choose to start.  We have sleeping habits, shopping habits, exercise habits, eating habits.  Habits at work, at home, at school.  Habits of the mind.

Companies have a huge interest in changing our shopping habits.  Coaches have an interest in changing the habits we use when we play. Teachers have an interest in the habits of their classroom. Families and communities have habitual ways of interacting. We all have personal habits we’d like to adopt and others we’d like to give away.  But unless you know what you’re doing, habits can be extremely intransigent and slippery things.

The good news is that a lot of research has been done in the last few decades, and we now know how habits work. When we arm ourselves with this knowledge, we’ll have a much better chance of changing. Luckily for us, we don’t have to track all that information down.  In The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do In Life and Business, Charles Duhigg draws on hundreds of academic studies, interviews with more than three hundred scientists and executives, and research conducted at dozens of companies in his book and distills all this knowledge to its essence.

The title might sound boring, but Duhigg follows the style of Malcom Gladwell (Outliers, Blink, The Tipping Point), and the Heath brothers (Made to Stick), and has written a book that I couldn’t put down.  For example, I couldn’t stop reading about coach Tony Dungy, or Target as it predicts who is pregnant and how far along they are, or the scientists who couldn’t figure out why Alcoholics Anonymous works, or how bad organizational habits led to thirty-one people being burned alive in London’s King’s Cross subway stop.  I couldn’t stop reading about why Rosa Parks, not the first African American to refuse to give up her bus seat, could pivot the civil rights movement.  I couldn’t stop reading the stories of individuals losing bad habits, others picking up good ones, and others who lost their minds but not their habits. Duhigg uses these and many other examples and studies to illustrate the key principles underlying how habits work.  In the appendix, he gives us a guide for examining and forming our own habits.

I personally know the power of changing habits of the mind (which I’ve already written about). And teeth. A few years ago, I flossed once a week. It was such a pain. Now it’s a habit that I almost crave each night. I look back at how I made those changes and see it all laid out in Duhigg’s book. Can I actually change my habit of going to bed late? Stay tuned.

If you’re interested in forming the habits of a class, team, company, or family; if you want to change some of your own habits; if you’re interested in knowing why we do what we do and enjoy the style of Malcom Gladwell and Dan and Chip Heath, then I think you’ll love this book. Let me suggest you watch the video below.  Then go to http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/ and click on the “Additional Resources” to watch and read more. Then just get the dang book.

New Mandatory Two-question Test for Our Leaders in Washington

This is not a Democrat thing. This is not a Republican thing. This is a Budgeting for Morons 101 thing. I think anyone who is sent to Washington needs to pass a test. The test will have two questions.

Can you pass it?

Big Hairy Test

Question 1. Fill in the blank. Use your incredible subtraction skills to solve this equation: 2 – 5 = ?

Question 2. Short answer. Let’s say you don’t have enough money to purchase everything you want; what do you do?

Answers to Big Hairy Test

Question 1.

The answer would be -3 (yes with the little dash thingy in front of it). If you fail this, your name is taken off the ballot. I know it’s harsh. You’re a good person, but you’re just too dumb to be trusted with my money. Please repeat the first grade and run for office again later.

Question 2.

If you say borrow the money, your head gets painted orange so everyone knows you have brains that operate on the same wattage as a citrus fruit.

If you say print the extra money, your head gets painted orange and then you go to jail for plotting to steal everyone else’s money by devaluing it.

If you say, “Contact the Russians, they’ve got a source,” we send you to Russia to work in Siberia digging rocks.

If you say, “But I had to spend more than I had because everyone else was doing it and they might be mean to me and not vote for my proposals,” then we assign you to follow a colony of lemmings in the Norwegian tundra for seven years. It’s okay. Lemmings are very cute.

Awwww!

The correct answer is you either (1) reprioritize, spending less on something else so you can spend more on the thing you really want, (2) eliminate waste in your operations so you have more to spend, or (3) go without, especially when it’s not your money to begin with.  

A possible fourth answer is to go to the American people and make a business case for a new tax. The tax cannot be voted on until it has been presented to the American people, and they’ve been given 18 months to review the pros and cons.  You cannot use government funds for your dog and pony show to sell the tax. Then the people, NOT you or your cronies, vote on it. It must receive 70% of the popular vote in each state to pass. If it passes, the funds collected by that tax cannot be used for any other purpose than the one stated when it was passed.

Is this really that hard?

No, it’s not hard, but it actually kind of is because the numbers that are reported are so big they don’t mean anything. And the words are sometimes all mixed up. For example, is “deficit” the same as “debt”? When Congress says they’re passing a bill to reduce the deficit, does that mean we’re actually starting to pay down the debt?

The Romney people recently created a chart that makes the numbers immediately understandable. I love this chart. It’s simple and straight to the point. Anyone can see what the current numbers show our very smart representatives in Washington are doing.

Our leaders have a MORAL responsibility not to spend more than they take in. I don’t care what party they belong to–if they don’t have the brains or the morals to use our money wisely, then they should not be able to play with it.

A Shocking Proposal: think like an accountant (horrors!)

Our leaders should not have the ability to raise tax rates or create new taxes. They have abused the priviledge of raising taxes on our behalf. They now should lose that priviledge completely. But the fact is they never should have had that duty in the first place.

Business learned this long ago. This is why it’s standard procedure to separate duties. It is always a VASTLY DUMB idea to have the same person collect the money, deposit it, authorize payments, and make the payments. It INVITES fraud, abuse, and error.

It’s clear that it’s also an equally dumb idea to have the same people in government levy taxes and then spend that tax money.  But we knew that. The founders used the idea of separation of duties when they set up our government in the first place. They just called it “separation of powers” instead. The problem is we didn’t separate the duties enough.

Our leaders should NOT have the power to levy taxes on us AND spend our money. We need to separate the duties, reserving the duty of establishing taxes to the people. If our representatives have a really nifty idea they want a tax for, they need to take the business case to the American people as described in answer four to question two in the Big Hairy Test above. And the American people can then vote on it.

And now I’m off to Lowe’s to purchase some orange paint.

Best Buy, Samsung, and Sony

I am not an early adopter. I do not rush out to buy the latest and greatest of anything. If I have something that works, then I keep using it until it absolutely won’t work anymore.

For example, Nellie and I bought a Honda Accord when we were first married. Fourteen years later, we had put almost 300,000 miles on that car and would have tried to put on another 300,000. Unfortunately, it met an early demise when it encountered a herd of black Angus cattle on a very dark country road at one a.m. in the morning. So long, brave companion.

We have a computer we purchased thirteen years ago which is still running Windows 98. Computers evolve about as quickly as fruit flies, which means that in human years our computer is like 450 years old. This is like going to war with first-generation muskets while everyone else is using Predator drones. And we’re okay with that, even though it appears we’re going to have to retire the old fellow this year.  Alas.

I have these fine olive green dress pants that are fifteen years old. When the rise finally wore out, I had Nellie fix it.  She put in a bright Kermit-The-Frog green patch, which draws a lot of attention to an area that’s been down-played ever since the codpiece went out of fashion in the late 1500’s. Was this sweet revenge for eating her stash of chocolate? Or a cleverly planned source of constant enjoyment? I do not know. But as a result, I do not wear these pants to church and important business meetings. I wear them hiking. They protect me from bushes and mosquitoes, yet breathe with perfection. Why would I ever get rid of them?

As you can see, I’m not a buy buy buy guy. Which means that when I get something it better darn well be a fine product because I know I’m likely to be using it for a very long time. And this brings me to our recent television and blu-ray player purchase. Two years ago some friends who had just purchased a big flat screen TV saw that we were still using our twenty-three year old 15″ RCA, took pity on us and gave us the 21″ TV they were replacing. It is one of those big suckers that weighs 475 pounds, but still a fine TV, and we watched it with joy.

However, a few weeks ago our antenna converter box broke. Our church’s semi-annual worldwide conference was coming up, which is a feast we love to watch, and so we were faced with choice: buy another converter box or pay a few more dollars and move into the twenty-first century with a flat screen. Now, while it’s true I’m not a buy buy buy guy, it is also true that I have been longing for a manly TV lo these many years. This was my chance. When Nellie agreed we should look for a new TV, I went into immediate action.

We started our search at Best Buy. The sales guys there were incredibly helpful. But we wanted to shop a bit more. So we went to a discount club, and thinking we’d save thirty bucks, purchased our TV there. We took it home, and I did not like it. I looked up the reviews on Consumer Reports and liked it even less. So I took it back. Sam’s has a great return policy, and gave us a full refund. Good bye, piece of crap.

I went to Best Buy again. After talking with the floor guy there for some time, I purchased a 32″ Samsung LN32D Series 4. No, it’s not 60 inches of gorilla manliness, but a 32″ TV does have a bit of hair on its chest. And it was bigger than what we’d been using. And it was only a few hundred bucks. I found this TV’s picture much better. Excellent, in fact, with the TV stations. However, my DVDs didn’t play so well on it.

I took it back to Best Buy. The folks there spent an hour testing other TVs and demonstrating that the issue was not the TV but my old Sony DVD player which could only use RCA cables. I needed a new player with the new HDMI cable, which is able to deliver much better quality. So I purchased one, a blu-ray player, brought it home, and found that the picture was indeed much better, but I hated the player’s remote controls. For example, I want to push one button to bring up the disc menu. I do not want to click options, over, down, down, down to do this each time.

I took it back. The folks at Best Buy were as friendly and helpful as ever. There was no hassle returning it. We spent another thirty minutes test driving different players and their remotes. I finally settled on a Sony BDP-5390 which is fabulous, not only because the remote and on-screen controls were helpful and it remembers where I was with movies I don’t finish, but also because it has a number of apps that allow me to connect to my wi-fi and watch things like YouTube, listen to internet radio, and pipe music all through my house.  There are so many cool features that I’m going to be enjoying discovering them all for a number of weeks. In all of this, the folks at Best Buy were cheerful, helpful, knowledgeable, and willing to work with someone who was very particular in what he wanted. I am now a Best Buy believer. If you want excellent customer service and good prices, go to Best Buy. I’ll be going back there for my next TV . . . when this one has racked up two gajillion viewing hours and at last gives up the ghost.